the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
