If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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