I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
