spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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