I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sarcasm needs its own font
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
