Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The best revenge is premature balding
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
