This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
