Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
