i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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