our cab driver is having phone sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
