I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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