i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
