Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
