this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
