i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
