On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
