Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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