I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
