My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
