like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
