What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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