well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I skipped work to stalk him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
