can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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