I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
