On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
