You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
