I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She needs sedatives and a leash
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
