come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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