whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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