i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
