Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
