you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
