OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
