god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
