??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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