the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
