I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
