I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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