I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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