I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
