i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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