She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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