So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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