i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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