She announced her abortion via fbk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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