It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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