I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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