i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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