If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument