i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.