Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
