do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules