Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..