I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
