you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
