i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
