Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize