He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
