I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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