How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
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Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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