Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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