4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
