belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
