i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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