Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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