No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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