Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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