she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
