I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
